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Assertiveness and Conflict Management: Background and Techniques How to be assertive and manage conflict on the HCHC campus

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1Assertiveness and Conflict Management: 14sure about asking for what you want.
Background and Techniques How to be Maintaining an open rather than closed
assertive and manage conflict on the HCHC posture. Uncross legs and arms. Do not
campus. Athina-Eleni G. Mavroudhis, M.S. back off or move away from the other
2Introduction. Thank the group for person while in dialogue. The expression:
inviting me back and giving me the “Standing your ground.” really applies
opportunity to present on Assertiveness here. Stay calm. Avoid angry outbursts.
and Conflict Management. Important for 152. Recognizing and Exercising Your
females to be assertive and be able manage Basic Rights. Distribute Personal Bill of
conflict especially in a pre-dominantly Rights Handout. Developing assertiveness
male campus such as HCHC. Can you think of involves recognizing that you, just as
a situation, either on or off-campus, much as anyone else, have a right to all
where being more assertive would have of the things listed under the Personal
helped you in better managing a conflict? Bill of Rights. Read through the PBR and
3Asserting Yourself. Definition: What reflect on your willingness to believe in
is Assertiveness and what does being and exercise each one.
Assertive mean? “expressing personal 163. Becoming Aware of Your Own Unique
rights and feelings.” “an attitude and a Feelings, Needs, and Wants. Need to be
way of acting in any situation where you clear about: 1) What it is you’re feeling.
need to: express your feelings ask for 2) What it is you want or don’t want. If
what you want say no to something you your feeling confused or ambivalent about
don’t want Why is it important to be your wants or needs, take time to clarify
assertive? how you interact with others them first by writing them out or talking
can be a source of considerable stress in them out with a supportive friend and/or
your life. Can alleviate stress and make counselor. Need to make your needs known.
you feel more relaxed. Develop Other people are not “mind readers.”.
self-respect and self-worth. 174. Practicing Assertive Responses.
4Lacking Assertiveness. What causes a Describe your problem situation. Specify
lack in Assertiveness? If you are phobic the “who,” “when,” “what,” “how,” the
or anxiety-prone you might have difficulty “fear,” and the “goal.” Develop an
making requests or saying no to family Assertive Response Evaluate your rights
members or close friends. Growing up in a within the situation. Refer back to the
family where you felt the need to be Bill of Rights Designate a time for
perfect and please your parents, you’ve discussing what you want. Find a mutually
remained a “People Pleaser” as an adult. convenient time to discuss the problem
What does lacking Assertiveness cause: with the other person involved. Address
Doing things you don’t want to do creates the main person involved, state the
RESENTMENT, which in turn produces tension problem in terms of its consequences for
which is the source of conflict in your you. Don’t expect others to be mind
relationships. readers. Clearly outline your point of
5Mistaken Traditional Assumptions. view objectively.
Distribute Mistaken Traditional 184. Practicing Assertive Responses
Assumptions Handout and discuss certain continued… 4) Express your feelings about
items. How you were taught to deal with the particular situation. First person
conflict by teachers, parents, grown ups statements (I felt sad….) acknowledge your
while growing up. Have you ever responsibility for your feelings while
encountered any of these before? It is second person statements (You said….)
selfish to put your needs before others’ generally accuse or judge. 5) Make your
needs. It is shameful to make mistakes. request for changing the situation. Use
You should have the appropriate response assertive nonverbal behavior. Establish
for every occasion. If you can’t convince eye contact, maintain open posture, stay
others that your feelings are reasonable, calm. Keep request simple. Avoid asking
then they must be wrong, or maybe you’re for multiple things. Be specific. Don’t
going crazy! apologize for your request. Make requests,
6What can I do to become more not demands or commands. 6) Tell this
assertive? Assertiveness Training (AT) person the consequences of gaining (or not
Learning to be Assertive. gaining) his or her cooperation.
7Assertiveness Training. What is it? 195. Assertiveness on the Spot. Many
The goal of assertiveness training is to daily situations arise that challenge you
increase the number and variety of to be assertive spontaneously. Assertive
situations in which assertive behavior is on the Spot Steps: Evaluate your rights.
possible, and decrease occasions of Make your requests. “I would like….”
passive collapse or hostile blow–up. AT is Statement needs to be: -Firm -Simple and
found to be effective in dealing with: to the point -Without apology
Depression Anger Resentment Interpersonal -Nonjudgmental, non-blaming -Always a
Anxiety. request, not a demand -Use a monotonous,
8Assertiveness Training Examples. You non-aggressive tone if dealing with a
are assertive when: You stand up for your stranger and/or adult. State the problem
rights in such a way that the rights of in terms of its consequences. Express your
others are not violated. Beyond just feelings. State the consequences of
demanding your rights, you can express gaining (or not gaining) cooperation.
your personal likes and interests Distribute On-the-Spot Assertiveness
spontaneously. You can talk about yourself Exercise.
without being self-conscious. You can 206. Learning to Say NO. Saying no means
accept compliments comfortably. You can that you set limits on other people’s
disagree with someone openly. You can ask demands for your time and energy when such
for clarification. You can say No! You can demands conflict with your own needs and
be more relaxed in interpersonal desires. It also means you can do this
situations. without feeling guilty. Saying No to
9Assertiveness Training (AT) Process. aggressive individuals requires making
The first step in AT is to identify the 3 statement stronger and more emphatic: Look
basic styles of interpersonal behavior. directly in the eyes Raise the level of
Aggressive Style Passive Style Assertive your voice slightly Assert your position:
Style Distribute What’s Your Style “I said no thank you.”.
Handout. 216. Learning to Say No continued...
101) Aggressive Style. Typical examples Dealing with acquaintances, friends, and
of aggressive behavior: fighting, family sometimes requires us to give an
accusing, threatening, and generally explanation: Acknowledge the other
stepping on people without regard for person’s request by repeating it. Explain
their feelings. The advantage of this kind your reason for declining. Say “no.” If
of behavior is that people do not push the appropriate, suggest an alternative
aggressive person around. The disadvantage proposal where both your and the other
is that people do not want to be around person’s needs will be met. Watch out for
him or her. guilt. Might be tough at first.
112) Passive Style. A person is behaving 22Conflict Management. What is Conflict?
passively when he lets others push him Conflict is a “creative opportunity” a
around, when he does not stand up for chance to reexamine a problem and come up
himself, and when he does what he is told, with a novel solution. Conflict is a
regardless of how he feels about it. The natural part of the college life process,
advantage of being passive is that you especially when people are living in close
rarely experience direct rejection or quarters.
conflict with others. The disadvantage is 23Ways to Manage Conflict. Expect
that you are taken advantage of, and you conflicts to happen and don’t be
store up a heavy burden which could lead overwhelmed by them. Recognize
to internal conflict that could manifest perspectives are not right or wrong, but
itself in resentment and anger. they definitely can be different. Chill
123) Assertive Style. A person is out. Before you confront someone about a
behaving assertively when she stands up conflict, make sure you’re calm enough to
for herself, expresses her true feelings, have an intelligent conversation. Figure
and does not let others take advantage of out what you want, then consider your
her. At the same time, she is considerate options. Is it realistic and practical?
of others’ feelings. The advantage of Make time and space for conversation. Tell
being assertive is that you get what you your full side, then listen to other
want, usually without making others mad. person. Brainstorm Solutions. Write down
If you are assertive, you can act in your many ideas to resolves the conflict.
own best interest and not feel guilty or 24Ways to Manage Conflict continued… Go
wrong about it. Meekness and withdrawal, for a win-win and then check in. Look for
attack and blame are no longer needed with ways that both people can benefit from a
the mastery of assertive behavior. They resolution. After coming up with a
are seen for what they are – sadly solution, set up a time to check in with
inadequate strategies of escape that the other person to make sure that things
create more pain and stress that they are working out for both or you. Recognize
prevent. Before you can achieve assertive that electronic communication is tricky.
behavior you must face the fact that the E-mail or IM may be misinterpreted or
passive and aggressive styles have often insulting to send to someone living in
failed to get you what you want. close quarters. 10) Watch out for the
13Learning to be Assertive. Learning to Conflict “Triangle.” * Make sure the
be Assertive involves working on yourself, “friend” you talk to won’t spread rumors
in 6 distinct areas: Developing Non-Verbal or make the situation worse. 11) Ask for
Assertive Behaviors Recognizing and being help. * Mediation Services offered by OSL
willing to exercise your basic rights as a and SF/CS. 12) Recognize that the only
human being Becoming aware of your own person you can change is yourself. * As
unique feelings, needs and wants. much as you’d like to fix your friend’s
Practicing assertive responses– first annoying habits, the only person you can
through writing and role-playing and then control is YOU. * Improve your
in real life. Assertiveness on the Spot communication skills. * Do your best to
Learning to say NO! stand up for your needs while being kind
141. Developing Nonverbal Assertive and respectful (Assertiveness).
Behaviors. Looking directly at another 25The End. Thank you!! Questions and
person when addressing them. Looking away Answers??
conveys the message that you’re not quite
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Assertiveness and Conflict Management: Background and Techniques How to be assertive and manage conflict on the HCHC campus

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